Excerpt from my book “WRECKED”

To not have your suffering recognized is a form of violent neglect.  Until recently I couldn’t handle silence.  I had to have some sort of white noise. To drown out those thoughts that squiggle to the surface. 

   But now I crave silence. The neglected memories no longer lay dormant in the back cages of my mind. I’ve freed them. But they still hang around. Laying their permeable surfaces open to new memories. In a interfusion of past and present. Creating something new in me. Like the blend of my art and my writing. Writing preexisted my art, but again I neglected it for a solid twenty years.  Like my hometown, I loved it-but I left it. My friends, I loved them-but I left them. My writing-I loved them, but I left them. My house, the land-I loved it but I left it.  Self protection I suppose. To leave those things, and people that were bound not by their will to my  virulent past; was not only self-protection but temporary salvation.  

  My painting of the woman floating in the water brings its exquisite silence almost tangible upon viewing. Part of me floats in the water with her. Hauntingly still. Waiting. 

After the epic battle of my past and my present, the old me and the new have found a way to coexist. I had no idea that there was room. If there’s room, then there’s room for me to be a mother, wife, writer, artist, sister and often daughter.  

All these years the guilt I carried like an albatross carries little footing. It barely holds on as I kick it off my foot every morning.  “WRECKED”©️

public.jpeg

This painting was the one that threw me into the ER with a TIA, my bad though. I was sealing the gold leaf with bare hands. Had it ALL over my hands for hours. I was afraid to touch it, but TODAY I doubled gloved it up and finalized the fireplace. Side note my memoir should be done by Christmas then on to find a publisher.

public.jpeg

Finalized #4 of WRECKED and using the same heated transparent tones added into the big figurative “Rebirth”. The sun WAS about then disappeared again 😫

FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg

Adding in the heat on “Rebirth”, 5ft big one 

FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg

Waiting for one of my daughters to be done with testing finished up another ballerina sketch. White charcoal on tonal grey paper is my current obsession. So smooth on application #ballerina #ballet #dancer #toeshoes #pointeshoes #art #figuredrawing #figurativeart #sketch #drawing #illustration #interiordesign #art #artcollector #losangeles #longbeach #decor #abstractart #belgium #madrid #gallery

IMG_3220.JPG

Chartreuse highlights, magenta and bright pink highs/lows on the 60x48 #5 of •WRECKED• #art #koifish #koi #koifishart #painting #brushwork #modernart #france #contemporaryart #gallery #artstudio #losangeles #belgium #madrid #newyork #london #interiordesign #decor #artcollector

FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
IMAGE.JPG
IMG_2926.JPG

Sketching in Sahara with paint/charcoal. When I was little my parents were all set to buy a retired Race Horse named Sahara Shizad. We had a coral for her. She wasn’t white but I’m going to paint her white. They didn’t end up buying her. I was so sad. I always wondered where she went, if she was still alive. I would have taken such good care of her. The corralmay be burned downthis past summer. But I can sure paint my memories •WRECKED• series 

IMG_2824.JPG
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg

I drew Reese for her birthday😍I love sketching my babies, though they’re young women now #sweet16 #16candles #birthdaygirl #sketch #portrait #drawing #art #portraiture #illustration #mamasgirl #littlewomen

FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg

Started a big New one 4ftx5ft. I’m going to add in geometric elements to this one as well as some neon. Her face is raw, no detail. Look closely there’s more than a woman’s face. This one is going to be a bit of a story

FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg
FullSizeRender.jpg

Kicking it up

Decided to start adding in some street art elements, because I looooove them.  I’ll add more transparent neon later. Her hand and face need more work...but my hand needs a break. #streetart #fashionar

IMG_2164.JPG
IMG_2162.JPG

I made my own medium to cover an old 48x48 the I did a quick sketch of a lady floating in water. For me it really helps me to reverse sketch in white on a dark surface to see my plan

IMG_2031.JPG
IMG_2030.JPG